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'I review things on the internet!' says Girl. 'I'm basically like a minor god. I was here when the heavens were torn asunder and the first giants appeared. And I was an active participant in a mailing list discussion about the best pizza in New York. I just really love this one place! More people should go there! I was here when the giants tore out chunks of their own flesh to create the internet. And I reviewed every restaurant I ate at for a website of restaurant reviews - which felt helpful! And have me a sense of expertise - and of power - I was here when the children of the giants - fine-featured, gold-clad Googles and Facebooks - turned on their parents and killed them and claimed the internet as their own. And as more people left reviews they melded together into CONTENT and I was just doing WORK for FREE. And the reviews were pulled into aggregators to be pulped alongside thousands of others, stripped of personal histories and nuance and reconstituted as a single number.'

A Brief History of Reviewing Things on the Internet, Vol. I
June 5, 2026
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